So The Hubs and I were doing our usual bi-weekly trip to the laundromat. And can I just say that I love the laundromat? I love everything about it. I love the jockeying for machines, love the smell of detergent, love the categorization of laundry, love the rich chinking of $20 worth of quarters (and you know you’ve found a good laundry mat when they give change in rolls of quarters for the bills you bring in).
Somewhere between the wash and dry cycle, I sat down to drink my 32 oz. Sprite with cherry AND strawberry flavors (thank you, QT) and read some magazines. Again, one of the adorable quirks of the laundromat world is that the magazines provided are invariably two to five years old. I laid my hands on a fairly recent copy of Reader Digest (March 2006) and skimmed the articles, giggled at the jokes and mused over the wise quotations from various idoit celebrities.
In the course of this perusing, I came across this quote, which I have not been able to forget:
“Don’t tell people your problems. 80 percent of them don’t care, and 20 percent are glad you have them.”
At first, I nodded my head, thinking “too true” and moved on. But, as I say, I haven’t been able to get this quote out of my head.
What I’ve come to is that upon further examination: this is a terrible, horrible, downright misanthropic sentiment. It may be true that most people, in general, don’t want to hear you bitch and moan about your problems. But how awful would it be to not be able to tell a sympathetic someone about your problems? Maybe that’s why shrinks are so popular. I know that I am so so grateful that I have family, friends and a spouse that will provide a listening ear when I need to ‘verbally vomit.’
Unfortunately for those friends and family, I happen to be a verbal processor and have a fairly compulsive need to “talk out” nearly every problem that I have. But seriously, how repressed would a person get if they never voiced their problems for fear that the people around them, close to them didn’t care? or worse, were glad they had problems?! Yeesh.
Knowing people have problems helps me feel more sane, to feel slightly more normalized. Knowing other people have problems helps me to open up about my imperfections and helps me to figure out a way to resolve and/or address them. Voicing problems and frustrations is a way to connect and problem solve in a way that can be instructive to both the Hearer and Voicer. Tell people your problems! Other people can help you solve your problems be thinking outside your mindset and offering suggestions that you may never. even. think. of. And bonus, telling people your problems lets them know that they are not alone in their mires of trouble. Complaining therefore becomes a community service, all problems are solved and self-esteem rises across the board! Voila!
Solutions through the sharing of problems, rather than the denial of them. Sounds good to me.